Mat. 5:5

c. I wish I could just list off strengths of mine, especially if I could do so without feeling like I’m making enemies through annoyed listeners. First among my strengths, shown by that feeling, is humility. Believe me, I would never feel compelled to write about my strengths unless an English assignment or, say, Common Application asked me to; it’s sometimes off-putting to hear someone list their praises (without being asked), so I don’t like to take the risk that I offend anyone. Even saying that I try not to offend anyone makes me feel like I’m showing off my care for others’ feelings, while implying that I have a long list of achievements that I could be bragging about. That’s the sort of feeling that makes me know I’m humble, because, on the more honest than modest side, I could be showing off a little more. But please, whenever I praise myself in some way in the next paragraph, imagine my wince, imagining a reader seeing me as arrogant.

I think that my actual strengths, aside from knowledge of my own humility, are my natural talents. I am fortunate to have a good mind. I assert that based on some test scores (which I will not, of course, mention), some math problems (on which I will not, of course, elaborate), and two parents with graduate degrees (whom I will not, of course, continue to extol). Not that mental skill is necessarily dependent on any of these, but to this evidence I give credit for my natural talents, which I assume that I have. I have a rather sharp memory, fairly acute senses, and reasonably good reflexes as my top three among those talents. Hopefully somewhat keen insight is on my list, too, but I myself would never say that it is.

a. Self-insight actually seems very useful to me. To me self-knowledge is knowledge of why one thinks the way he or she does and understanding all of his or her desires, abilities, faults, and quirks. It is, naturally, impossible. One could perhaps argue that it is extremely improbable, but I think that no one person can completely understand all of the thoughts and shortcomings of any person, let alone do so through their own eyes for themselves. Self-obtained self-knowledge is looking at everything that one does with the thought of, “of course I like reading more that ping pong,” and then thinking, “but why?” Understanding the intricate setup of the mind that makes this opinion vary is beyond the grasp of humans, barring exceptions like blindness. I would have had difficulty coming up with a complete list of my strengths and it would be even harder to think of, if not admit my faults. There are some faults that I know because others have pointed them out, and to them I am extremely grateful. Myriad other quirks of mine that would be called faults for their uselessness or annoyance are beyond my recognition or, more frightening, my concern.

b. I think that one fault of mine is a touch of apathy. I know that I shouldn’t respond to questions people write on desks, it’s obviously defacing school property and a bad idea, but should I really care?* Will I be caught? Isn’t pencil erasable? More importantly, what if my unnamed acquaintance in period two never finds out how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I recognize a fault (a big step for self-knowledge), but without the desire to correct myself, apathy keeps me more flawed than I could be. Not to distract from my own shortcomings, but apathy is a fairly common affliction. As my neighbor, Mr. Scapegoat, once said to my mom, “Sure, I could be leaving my newspapers out for recycling, but I have to make a trip to the [transfer station] anyway, and who’s going to know if I throw them in with the trash?” His indifference is more passive than my blatant effacing of an official educational tool, but I would say that it is more dangerous in the long run and certainly more widespread. Environmental activism is a topic that obviously affects all of humankind, being a race of earthlings, but also one that doesn’t presently show that effect to all of us. Inherently involving activity, activism is not instantly popular with most people, comfortable in their indifference. I suppose that I cannot fault the uncaring, being that they never promised to recycle, to watch their energy usage, but I consider a lack of concern for fellow humans, if not our habitat, to be a personal weakness.

My other most notable personal weakness, in my opinion, is indecision, but please let me know if you think of something else, I’m looking for suggestions to improve upon. As you can see, I was so torn up about selecting a strength and a weakness that I decided to disregard the assignment and double the quota. After all, I have many valid strengths and weaknesses and it kills me to have to say to the rest of them, “Sorry, ‘mental skill’ is going to have to be the one.” I could convey indecisiveness as a strength: the ability to see merit in many faces of a decision. Possible point reduction on this assignment would be one example of a reason why I have listed it among my weaknesses. For more examples, imagine me taking the same path when deciding between two cars and then two houses and then trying to figure out why I have two banks chasing me down for loan payments. As far as my attempts to amend these weaknesses, I believe that I have already mentioned that growth occurs through the will to iron out the shortcomings that one is aware of. For me, I would turn to developing my strength in mental facilities to run through my indecision fast enough to make it look like plain decision. As far as fixing my first weakness, I think it would be too ironic to try to do anything about it, but there is hope for me because I list apathy among my weaknesses.

d. My difficulty in thinking about my strengths and weaknesses is mainly that I might be assuming something that I should not or, more likely, forgetting some amount of more important strengths or more dire weaknesses than I came up with. I think about it in terms of a survey among my friends, family, peers, and acquaintances, in which everyone answers these questions on my behalf. After tallying votes, I see myself realizing that I was blind to my obvious fault of stealing bags and purses from passersby, which I had never thought of as a disagreeable activity.* My own experiences have kept me from seeing my character relative to the rest of my world. I could argue that society’s definitions for right and wrong need not apply, but I tend to think that things forbidden by laws and general consensus usually are so for good reason, and I’m not interested in the effort of investigating.

Regardless of my success at it, self-examination is a useful tool for self-improvement. Knowledge of faults and the desire for growth help give one control over their life. For example, if I had only known that I need to use toothpaste when brushing my teeth, I would have been able to make friends in elementary school.* Understanding the extent of one’s capabilities and limitations allows more successful use of them. This is why we find ourselves to often be so incompetent, not noticing the piece of the puzzle that we are missing or the offense that are making. Fortunately, successful self-understanding isn’t expected of any of us and, more fortunately, we have critics that help us along in the process. So I find self-examination to be very useful, a bit uncommon, and extremely difficult. Hopefully that excuses my doubtlessly faulty responses, but, of course, I don’t see my success in answering the responses as crucially important.**